Category: Articles

What Apple ACTUALLY Did With Their Extra Thirteen Billion Euros!

What Apple ACTUALLY Did With Their Extra Thirteen Billion Euros!

Apple, the tech giant, multi media enterprise, and… fruit, known mainly for their IGrannySmith range of smartphones for elderly women, have been in the headlines recently for a little something known as Corporate tax avoidance. Ireland, land of potatoes and Jameson whisky, has allowed Apple to keep almost Thirteen Billion Euros in exchange for some gentle spooning every other …

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The shocking TRUE Jeremy Corbyn stories Britain’s Left-Wing bias media WON’T print!

The shocking TRUE Jeremy Corbyn stories Britain’s Left-Wing bias media WON’T print!

Jeremy Corbyn, the aging communist best known for shooting Harambe the gorilla, has the British media in the palm of his hand. Ever since he first crawled out of his Stalin nappies and into a hideous home-knitted jumper, Corbyn has known how to manipulate the press better than anyone else. This has seen him, despite …

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Grak Weighs In – Soulless Derby

Grak Weighs In – Soulless Derby

Greetings, travellers, and welcome to Grak’s lair – please, pull up a rock and put your feet on the pile of rotting anuses Grak has amassed over the past seven seasons (during the Great Butt-Rending). Grak doesn’t get much news and/or sunlight down in the subterranean underrealms below Derby but recently when checking  “The Derby …

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My Week at the Job Centre

My Week at the Job Centre

The job centre in Telford is a red-brick shard, a monolith that is supposed to puncture the thin membrane between unemployment and a shit job. As a fresh graduate, I have come to loath that little green job centre plus sign, a putrid goblin of a logo. As a creative writer I have made my fair share of …

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22 Things All British People Say On Hot Days

22 Things All British People Say On Hot Days

You can always tell when it’s a hot day in Britain. There are so many tell-tale signs: the shameless, topless dad-bods, the Calippo shots, the supermarkets suddenly selling shades and frisbees, the empty libraries, the fact it’s really hot… It’s also clear because we, the British, fall back upon a few favourite seasonal phrases. These are …

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Listen Here, EU, I’ve Got Something To Say

Listen Here, EU, I’ve Got Something To Say

Alright, mate? How’s it going? How’s the wife and kids? Killed in a barn-fire? I’m sorry to hear that. Anyway, I can’t help but hear all this fuss about the EU. Its all over the place isn’t it? It’s on the tip of everyone’s tongue, like the Strictly final or a small piece of card …

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The Cursed Ready Meal

The Cursed Ready Meal

God damn. Fucking hell, right. Listen to what happened to me today. I went to Aldi for my fortnightly shop because I’d run out of food – I’d been eating nothing but sandwiches made from uncooked spaghetti for the past few days and Jesus Christ my teeth. Anyway, right, I turned up to Aldi and …

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Five Occasions That Prove That Having a Berserker as a Best Friend is Harder Than it Seems.

Five Occasions That Prove That Having a Berserker as a Best Friend is Harder Than it Seems.

‘Now don’t get me wrong, deep down, Nathan is a really nice guy. But please don’t bring him to the party tonight, not until he has sorted out of that weird berserker problem of his.’ 1.) Parties     My best friend Nathan is a right laugh, everything he does is proper funny. However, when …

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18 facts you probably didn’t know about Ethan Hawke*!

18 facts you probably didn’t know about Ethan Hawke*!

*You probably didn’t know them because none of them are true. Since rising to prominence in Peter Weir’s 1989 film Dead Poets Society (The film that set the bar unrealistically high for English teachers everywhere), Ethan Hawke has gone on to star in movies such as Before Sunrise (The film that set the bar unrealistically …

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