Category: Blogs

Verbal Discharge’s Obscure Christmas Facts, Part Two

Verbal Discharge’s Obscure Christmas Facts, Part Two

If you haven’t seen part one, check it out! God forbid you miss any of these earth-shattering facts. The air grows lighter, the mood grows lighter, your money receptacle grows lighter. Oh… and the house grows lighter, because, you know, you’ve probably put up Christmas lights by now. And, like slavering yetis, the majority of …

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Verbal Discharge’s Obscure Christmas Facts, The Beginning

Verbal Discharge’s Obscure Christmas Facts, The Beginning

Christmas has been everywhere, on the television, on the radio, and on the high-street. But it wasn’t until the John Lewis advert that the true capitalist inside of us all rolled over like an overweight boxer dog, bounced on the big ole Christmas trampoline of pre-Noël excitement, and cried out in pure festive joy. Even the Verbal Discharge lot …

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My Week at the Job Centre

My Week at the Job Centre

The job centre in Telford is a red-brick shard, a monolith that is supposed to puncture the thin membrane between unemployment and a shit job. As a fresh graduate, I have come to loath that little green job centre plus sign, a putrid goblin of a logo. As a creative writer I have made my fair share of …

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22 Things All British People Say On Hot Days

22 Things All British People Say On Hot Days

You can always tell when it’s a hot day in Britain. There are so many tell-tale signs: the shameless, topless dad-bods, the Calippo shots, the supermarkets suddenly selling shades and frisbees, the empty libraries, the fact it’s really hot… It’s also clear because we, the British, fall back upon a few favourite seasonal phrases. These are …

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Listen Here, EU, I’ve Got Something To Say

Listen Here, EU, I’ve Got Something To Say

Alright, mate? How’s it going? How’s the wife and kids? Killed in a barn-fire? I’m sorry to hear that. Anyway, I can’t help but hear all this fuss about the EU. Its all over the place isn’t it? It’s on the tip of everyone’s tongue, like the Strictly final or a small piece of card …

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The Cursed Ready Meal

The Cursed Ready Meal

God damn. Fucking hell, right. Listen to what happened to me today. I went to Aldi for my fortnightly shop because I’d run out of food – I’d been eating nothing but sandwiches made from uncooked spaghetti for the past few days and Jesus Christ my teeth. Anyway, right, I turned up to Aldi and …

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Five Occasions That Prove That Having a Berserker as a Best Friend is Harder Than it Seems.

Five Occasions That Prove That Having a Berserker as a Best Friend is Harder Than it Seems.

‘Now don’t get me wrong, deep down, Nathan is a really nice guy. But please don’t bring him to the party tonight, not until he has sorted out of that weird berserker problem of his.’ 1.) Parties     My best friend Nathan is a right laugh, everything he does is proper funny. However, when …

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Where Did These Red Circles Come From and What Do They Want From Us?: A Conspiracy Theory

Where Did These Red Circles Come From and What Do They Want From Us?: A Conspiracy Theory

.   As an avid conspiracy theorist with such studies to my name as, Seriously Guys, There Is An Atomically Armed Alien War Station On The Moon! and The Reasons You Didn’t Know Your Mother Was A Time Travelling Reptilian Sales Representative For TK Maxx, comes my newest investigation into something that is totally not nugatory in any …

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So How About This Weather We’re Having

So How About This Weather We’re Having

We’re both sat in the pub on Wednesday night, and we’re the only people in there. The barman went downstairs to change a barrel and hasn’t come back for over an hour – poor Steve, carbon monoxide probably got him. But that’s not what I’m going to talk to you about that – I mean, …

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How to Write a Dissertation Quickly.

How to Write a Dissertation Quickly.

‘Go on!’ Your Dad says, ‘Kick the ball lad!’ ‘I don’t want to,’ you complain ‘I just want to be a sandwich artist.’ ‘Ridiculous you soppy tit, stop acting like a girl.’ ‘Dad, I am a girl!’ You protest, kicking the ball in defiance. ‘If only I had a son.’ He rests his face on his …

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