Category: Important Lessons for Life

My Week at the Job Centre

My Week at the Job Centre

The job centre in Telford is a red-brick shard, a monolith that is supposed to puncture the thin membrane between unemployment and a shit job. As a fresh graduate, I have come to loath that little green job centre plus sign, a putrid goblin of a logo. As a creative writer I have made my fair share of …

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Five Occasions That Prove That Having a Berserker as a Best Friend is Harder Than it Seems.

Five Occasions That Prove That Having a Berserker as a Best Friend is Harder Than it Seems.

‘Now don’t get me wrong, deep down, Nathan is a really nice guy. But please don’t bring him to the party tonight, not until he has sorted out of that weird berserker problem of his.’ 1.) Parties     My best friend Nathan is a right laugh, everything he does is proper funny. However, when …

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How to Write a Dissertation Quickly.

How to Write a Dissertation Quickly.

‘Go on!’ Your Dad says, ‘Kick the ball lad!’ ‘I don’t want to,’ you complain ‘I just want to be a sandwich artist.’ ‘Ridiculous you soppy tit, stop acting like a girl.’ ‘Dad, I am a girl!’ You protest, kicking the ball in defiance. ‘If only I had a son.’ He rests his face on his …

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14 Things Doctors Don’t Want YOU To Know!

14 Things Doctors Don’t Want YOU To Know!

Doctors know a lot of things, there is no disputing that. My Doctor once looked into my eyes and saw the future. At least, I think that was a Doctor, albeit a homeless and drunk one. The point is, Doctors are smart. Very smart. They are Doctor Doctor Science Surgeon People and they have degrees …

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New Year, New You: A Verbal Discharge Guide to New Year’s Resolutions

New Year, New You: A Verbal Discharge Guide to New Year’s Resolutions

Well, loyal Discharge fans, it looks like that time is finally upon us. Old Grandfather Time has reached the end of yet another calender year, and he’s already dousing himself in gasoline and getting ready to set himself ablaze. Worry not though, witless peons, this annual bout of self immolation brings with it the New …

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HOW TO: Kill Your Arch-Nemesis

HOW TO: Kill Your Arch-Nemesis

The time has come and you know it. They stole your favourite set of nesting dolls, or burnt your crops, or had passionate intercourse with your partner, or something like that. I’m speaking of course, about your Arch-Nemesis…

How To Work Out At Legoland Windsor Resort

How To Work Out At Legoland Windsor Resort

Okay bro, picture this – it’s your nine year old nephew’s birthday and you’ve gone with your actual bro’s family to Legoland Windsor Resort for a few days (God knows you need the company, you’ve spent every day for the past month staring into a gym mirror with only veiny arms and creatine shits to …

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Top 10 Things to See and Do in Derby!

Top 10 Things to See and Do in Derby!

I am a man, and in order to continue being a man, I must be currently positioned in a location. Whilst I have considered the alternative of instead becoming ethereal, I have come to the decision that I would rather stay where I am, and that where is the glorious city of Derby! Derby is …

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HOW TO: Form a Cult in 5 Easy Steps

HOW TO: Form a Cult in 5 Easy Steps

C’mon, admit it. You’ve thought about it before haven’t you? Its okay, you can shamelessly come forward with your confession, we’ve all been there. Be it whilst dusting the house or working your nine-to-five, the thought has occurred to all of us; “everything would be so much easier if I was the charismatic head of …

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