I MET GOD AND HE LOOKED JUST LIKE NOTORIOUS UGANDAN WARLORD, JOSEPH KONY

I MET GOD AND HE LOOKED JUST LIKE NOTORIOUS UGANDAN WARLORD, JOSEPH KONY

Yes, that’s right. You read the title correctly. After a chance encounter with God himself in the queue at the chippy, I can officially confirm with unflinching certainty that God is not only real, but also sometimes treats himself to a battered cod at the Kigumba Fish Bar.

I was standing there, waiting for my chips and minding my own business, when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a 200 foot tall, super-celestial, Ugandan Warlord stood in the corner of the Fish Bar.

Excuse me?‘ I said to him ‘you must get this all the time, but are you the physical embodiment of our Lord and Saviour, presented now in the form of notorious Ugandan Warlord and LRA Leader, Joseph Kony?

Yes‘ he said to me, his voice was like, totally booming and loud and shit ‘it is I, God…also Joseph Kony. He is I and I is he. Together, we are one

I didn’t need any more convincing, it all seemed perfectly reasonable to me. I agreed to take up servitude in his name, and follow him to the end of the earth and back, or at least until I got my chips and wouldn’t have to make awkward small talk with him.

So…like, what’re you up to these days? Still kidnapping kids and stuff?

He laughed at this, which made me feel nice. It’s not every day that you see a Ugandan Warlord and Holy Spirit laugh, mainly due to the unreasonable amounts of workplace stress that accompany being both a heinous perpetrator of war-crimes and a heavenly superbeing.

Ho ho ho‘ he chortled, in a deep-bellied and outright adorable fit of hysterics ‘no, I’ve moved on from those times. I look back at that part of my career as my experimental years, you know? Now I just focus on my music. In fact, I layed down some pretty tasty bars at the studio earlier

MC Kony and the Koneheads' upcoming album - 'We ain't kidding around Vol. 4' - will soon be available from all good retailers
MC Kony and the Koneheads’ upcoming album – ‘We ain’t kidding around Vol. 4’ – will soon be available from all good retailers
James Bosson is best known as the loudest member of Verbal Discharge. He spends most of his free time obsessively shouting at the News.

3 Replies to “I MET GOD AND HE LOOKED JUST LIKE NOTORIOUS UGANDAN WARLORD, JOSEPH KONY”

  1. Hello there! This post couldn’t be written any better! Going through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He constantly kept preaching about this. I will send this article to him. Fairly certain he’s going to have a great read. Thanks for sharing!

  2. You really make it appear really easy along with your presentation however I
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    feel I might never understand. It sort of feels too
    complex and extremely huge for me. I’m looking forward on your subsequent put up, I will attempt to get the cling of it!

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