9 Things ALL Popes Know To Be True.

9 Things ALL Popes Know To Be True.

Mobility: If you have more than 45 degrees of flexibility in any of your joints, you can’t be Pope. It’s just true.

God is really annoying: You’ve reached the pinnacle of Catholic positioning. You are the Pope, no one on earth is higher than you in this hierarchy. But every time you stand in your ivory tower and reach your prune like hands towards the heavens you realise that you are still a world away from God, who has taken to lying there, picking his nose.

Nobody listens to you: Actually, they just can’t hear you through the glass of your Popemobile.

You are inconsolably horny: You just have a lot of self control.

The only time to be angry is when someone pulls you onto a disabled child: True dat.

Your alter-ego, Batman, is easier to pull off: Lets face it, the Pope isn’t any busier than Bruce Wayne, you just want people to believe that.

You often wonder why you don’t have a meal named after you like the other Popes: Eggs Benedict anyone?

Your prayers are your outgoing emails: Everybody else’s arrive in your inbox.

The Pope is a long running Fraternity joke gone wrong: Ever since the head of Omega-Zeta-Vatican, St Peter, got elected to be Pope on April 1st 33AD there has been a long list of Pope badassery. The only problem is, Peters mates made the whole thing up as a joke down the Cock n Hen after work on Friday. They were going to tell him it was a joke, but he took to it with such vigour they didn’t have the heart to let him down.

As close to handsome as we get.

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