18 facts you probably didn’t know about Ethan Hawke*!

18 facts you probably didn’t know about Ethan Hawke*!

*You probably didn’t know them because none of them are true.

Since rising to prominence in Peter Weir’s 1989 film Dead Poets Society (The film that set the bar unrealistically high for English teachers everywhere), Ethan Hawke has gone on to star in movies such as Before Sunrise (The film that set the bar unrealistically high for cross-continental train journeys), Gattaca (The film that set the bar unrealistically high for cripples with astronaut ambitions everywhere) and Boyhood (The film that set the bar unrealistically high for directors of coming-of-age movies everywhere).

However, there are some things about Ethan Hawke that the general public don’t know. Like how he had two kids with Uma Thurman. Or that he wrote a novel called Ash Wednesday. People don’t know these facts about the world’s most beloved movie star despite them being true. So just imagine how few people know facts about him that aren’t true? To find out, the Verbal Discharge scientists have made a list of 18 facts that aren’t true about Ethan Hawke below, and we want YOU to let us know in the comments below, on our Facebook page, via Twitter (@VerbDisRadio) or email (Things@VerbalDischarge.co.uk) how many of them you knew before reading the article! Please. This is for science. Ethan Hawke science. The kind they don’t teach in school.

2. Ethan Hawke hates the number one, and demands that it be removed from every film he makes.

3. Early in his career, Ethan Hawke demanded his name be pronounced “ETHAN HAWKE”, but he has since mellowed and accepted that nobody is going to shout his name everywhere he goes.

4. When Ethan Hawke played Hamlet in the 2000 film adaptation, he claimed he got so sick of hearing the word ‘Ham’ all the time that he became a vegetarian. He also hates companies that rent houses.

5. Ethan Hawke didn’t think Batman Vs Superman Colon Dawn of Justice was that bad.

6. Ethan Hawke is famously great friends with director Richard Linklater, having made eight films together. However, their friendship actually began long before Before Sunrise, when Ethan Hawke was caught raiding their school’s new chalk shipment, and was given a choice between spending the rest of school in detention, or helping to solve another unanswered case. On this case, he was partnered with top Hollywood director Richard Linklater, and the pair have been solving crimes together ever since. The movies are a side-business. Like the pop-up Texas street stall E-Hawke and Linky Richy’s Budget Watch Shop, UK shoe store Clarkes (Which the pair co-own) and a child prostitution ring the pair started with Before star Julie Delpy in 2004.

7. Ethan Hawke auditioned for Amy Adams’ part in American Hustle, but was deemed ‘Too old’, providing yet another example of Hollywood’s institutional hatred of older women.

8. Ethan Hawke can turn into a falcon on command. In an interview with Grandman magazine, Ethan Hawke claimed he first learned he was an animagius in 1994, when filming for his uncredited appearance White Fang 2: Myth of the White Wolf turned sour.

9. Ethan Hawke loves pasties, “particularly cheese and bean”, according to the man himself.

10. Ethan Hawke was a Nintendo Power subscriber for thirty-three years. He used to read every issue cover to cover and then shout “INFORMATION ASSIMILATED” in a deep voice.

11. Ethan Hawke blames the internet for his children’s morbid obesity.

12. Ethan Hawke first decided to buy UK shoe superstore Clarkes because his surname is also Clarke.

13. Ethan Hawke is a big fan of singer/songwriter Paloma Faith, calling her album Do You Want The Truth or Something Beautiful? “a revelation”.

14. Ethan Hawke does not consider science fiction a genre.

15. First aired in 1964, Ethan Hawke is the longest-running science fiction series in history, spanning more than 700 episodes over the last 53 years.

16. Ethan Hawke loves list article, and in fact coined the term “listicle”.

17. Ethan Hawke also hates the number 17.

18. Ethan Hawke suffers from a rare psychologically-recognised condition known as ‘Ethan Hawke Syndrome’, which causes the affected to believe that they are top Hollywood actor Ethan Hawke. Others with the condition include Ethan Hawke, Ethan Hawke, and James Franco.

19. Ethan Hawke does not exist. He is a figurement of your imagination, and the only film he’s been in that actually exists is Chet Baker biopic Born to Be Blue, and that isn’t even out yet.

 

So how many did you know? Let us know through any of the methods mentioned, or in person at our live show NEXT THURSDAY at the world-famous Maypole Cafe-Bar & Theatre!

Nick Clegg apologist.

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