Five Occasions That Prove That Having a Berserker as a Best Friend is Harder Than it Seems.

Five Occasions That Prove That Having a Berserker as a Best Friend is Harder Than it Seems.

‘Now don’t get me wrong, deep down, Nathan is a really nice guy. But please don’t bring him to the party tonight, not until he has sorted out of that weird berserker problem of his.’

1.) Parties

 

Berserker Party
Nathan’s party tricks leave a lot to be desired

 

My best friend Nathan is a right laugh, everything he does is proper funny. However, when dear old Nathan downs a pint or two, the woad goes on and everything goes to shit. We can’t go to Stacy’s party this weekend because last time we got drunk together at a house party he ripped Niahm’s boyfriend’s head off after winning an arm wrestling competition.

I’d have stopped being his friend then, but Niahm cried on my shoulder and later became my lover.

 

2. Family Dinner

Beserker dinner
Your friend’s puppet smelt awful darling, he should give it a wash

Oh yeah, never invite your berserker best friend to dinner the day after he decapitates someone. He brought Niamh’s boyfriend along and tried to entertain everyone with a puppet show, manipulating the mandibles of the decapitated man by sticking his hand up through the festering neck-hole. Luckily my mother just thought he had bad hygiene and asked me to tell Nathan to wash his puppet once in a while.

3.) A Funeral

Funeral Berserker
Nathan, that really isn’t funny

OK, so this was probably my bad, I shouldn’t have invited Nathan to Niahm’s boyfriend’s funeral. I thought I was doing a good thing, that Nathan would give his head back. Instead, he refused to give the head back, and did a stand up comedy routine full of head puns. The loved ones of the deceased were upset, but not as much as I was that Nathan had embarrassed me again.

4.) A Wedding

Wedding berserk.png
This isn’t funny anymore, Nathan.

Having Nathan as best man at my wedding put a downer on the event. He kept reminding Niamh of her dead ex and, when he’d had three Pimms and Lemonades, he killed my nan who was trying to pick up a little glass of punch. Nathan thought it was funny to give my Nan a ‘punch’ and she subsequently died of a subdermal haematoma

5.) A Trial

 

court berserker.png
Nathan, I’m sentencing you to life in prison.

 

Oh come on, where did you expect this would end up? The guy killed some people, my nan was the last straw. So what did I do? I dobbed him in, got Niamh to testify and finally put this madman behind doors. Still, he had a great time like always. I’m sure he’ll make some great friends on the inside. Still, it’s a pity he couldn’t get to Niahm’s parents before they wrote her out of the inheritance.

 

 

As close to handsome as we get.

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