The Cursed Ready Meal

The Cursed Ready Meal

God damn. Fucking hell, right. Listen to what happened to me today. I went to Aldi for my fortnightly shop because I’d run out of food – I’d been eating nothing but sandwiches made from uncooked spaghetti for the past few days and Jesus Christ my teeth. Anyway, right, I turned up to Aldi and not only was there a LINE for the trolleys, but I couldn’t find a fucking pound to put into it. Unbelievable. Anyway, I was halfway through my shop – getting the bare essentials, like bread and the little screwdrivers in the middle aisle – when I chance onto the ready meal section. And I’m thinking to myself yeah I’ll get a few of those because the missus is out on “holiday” for the next few days with her “gal pals” – yeah, because going down to Scarborough to use the 2p machines is a holiday. Unbe-fucking-lievable. Anyway, I grab myself a few of the classics – shepherd’s pie, chow mein, you know the ones – until I end up finding this ready meal I’ve never seen there before and it wasn’t the korma. It was just a normal ready meal packet but the sleeve was all black and said “CURSED” on it. So I buy it, grab some UHT milk and pay for me shopping. Good thing I brought my bags for life because the plastic ones are like 5p now Jesus.

 

So I’m driving home, I pass Toby Carvery and my car spirals out of control and I die.

 

Unbelievable.

Does an OK David Bowie impression.

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