I’m a Fully Grown Wasp, Mum! You Can’t Tell Me What To Do Anymore!

I’m a Fully Grown Wasp, Mum! You Can’t Tell Me What To Do Anymore!

Listen here, Mum, I’ve had it! I’ve had it with your rules! You never take me seriously as a fully grown Wasp! I’m not a larvae anymore!

You always told me that if I put my mind to it, eventually I would grow up into a worker drone. Well I don’t want to be a worker drone, Mum, I want to be a musician! Is that too much to ask in this crazy, crazy world? I understand that my legs do not have the dexterity required to play an instrument, and that my mandibles don’t really lend themselves to singing, but why should that stop me? Bob Dylan never would have accomplished anything if he had kept worrying about how his appendages weren’t biologically suited for musical artistry!

No, Mum, these aren’t just hormones! I was a larvae for 12 to 18 days, just like any other wasp, but now I’ve pupated into a mature adult, and I’m ready to face the world. I know it might be disheartening to see me leave the nest, especially given that you chewed it especially for me and all the other drones, but it’s not as if you’re going to be left all alone is it? There will still be 1000 to 1500 other wasps around!

I just think you should let me go, Mum. You only want what’s best for us, and you want to protect us all, but you can’t lock us away forever! Sooner or later we’re all going to have leave, and – no, wait! Mum, no! Don’t look at that! Get away from my laptop! No! Stop! No! It isn’t what it looks like!

MUM! WHY DID YOU LOOK AT THAT?! THAT WAS PRIVATE! GOD, GET OUT OF MY HONEYCOMB CELL ROOM! I’M SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW!

*   *   *

If this sounds familiar to you, or a wasp you know, please know that you are not alone. Pupation is a turbulent time for any young wasp. The chemicals and hormones in your tiny, but adaptable mind are going through a great deal of changes. Your siblings, all one thousand to one and a half thousand of them, will be undergoing similar changes. Even your mother, the matriarchal Queen Wasp, once went through the same maturation process.

There will be times when you will feel angry or hopelessly at odds with the world, and you may feel like lashing out at those around you. It is imperative that you keep in mind that you will not always be in full control of your emotions during this period, and you may say or do things that you will later regret. Remember that your actions do impact those around you. Just try to keep a level head, count to ten, and think twice before you deliver a sting and expend some of your precious, precious venom.

*   *   *

Verbal Discharge would like to formally apologise for this article. Please do not leave.

James Bosson is best known as the loudest member of Verbal Discharge. He spends most of his free time obsessively shouting at the News.

One Reply to “I’m a Fully Grown Wasp, Mum! You Can’t Tell Me What To Do Anymore!”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *