Star Wars: The Last Jedi – 14 Things We Learned From the Title

Star Wars: The Last Jedi – 14 Things We Learned From the Title

Fans of Flash Gordon and kid’s movies about people hitting each other with lasers rejoice! At last, the eighth film in the Star Wars saga has a title, and boy is it an intriguing one. Earlier today, LucasArts unveiled the upcoming movie would be called Star Wars (obviously): The Last Jedi. Whilst we couldn’t work out why the word ‘Obviously’ isn’t in italics, we could work out a number of other exciting things from the title. Here is what, we at Verbal Discharge managed to discern from the name alone…

 

1). This is a Star Wars film

Many may miss it in all the excitement regarding the number of remaining Jedi, but the title starts with the words ‘Star Wars’, heavily implying this takes place in far, far ago, in a long galaxy, galaxy away.

2). There is only one Jedi now

last

Either that or the Jedi will be last heard-of in Cornwall.

3). The film will be in English

Because the title is in English. You’d need to get up pretty early in the morning to catch us out.

4). Han Solo gets killed by that bloke of Girls

That admittedly happened in the last film, but nothing in the title seems to unconfirm it, so it definitely still happened.

5). The force has not gone back to sleep

It was awakened in The Force Awakens, so really it’s a big hint that Episode Eight is not called The Force Hits The Snooze Button. It would have set up Episode Nine, The Force is Half an Hour Late For Work and Gets a Bollocking From It’s Boss, nicely though.

6). Luke is going to be the last Jedi

Because that was heavily implied right the way through the last film. Let’s not bother speculating. It’s Luke.

7). Though he might die at the end and say “Rey, you are The Last Jedi now”

Which would be poignant.

8). When’s Alvin and the Chipmunks 5 out, anyway?

That’s the squeakuel we really want. We realise that might not be a fact.

9). The title of all of writer/director RIan Johnson’s previous films are used in the dialogue, so this will be too

So expect a scene in which the guy who was in those two Noah Baumbach movies says to the man who sounds a bit like The Joker “Ah, Luke Skywalker, here you are, Star Wars Episode Eight: The Last Jedi

10). This was written really quickly to cash in on Star Wars title hype and doesn’t hit our usual standards of quality control

You can tell, right?

11). There will only be one Last Jedi

the

Either that or Jedi is a disease or an affliction that must be stopped. From some perspectives, it could be said, the Jedi are evil.

12). Jedis have not undergone an image change

Despite the changing public opinion, they stand by their guns (Or lack thereof), and continue to use the dated brand name ‘Jedi’ to describe themselves, even though their social manager suggests they rebrand themselves the more palatable and marketable Knghtz, complete with an app where you can call your own Jedi to do your housework.

13). The 2001 UK census was wrong

14). Merely having a title suggests the film definitely exists

Which is great news, really, because all of us at Verbal Discharge are really looking forward to it and would have been gutted if we discovered it, like free will, did not exist.

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We hope you didn’t agree with #10 too much. For things that do pass our rigorous standards, check our article archives, or if you just like films and that, why not check out Oscarbaiting, our upcoming live show at QUAD, Derby’s favourite independent cinema?

Nick Clegg apologist.

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