I am Donald Trump’s Evil Twin – Dark Trump! (PART 1)

I am Donald Trump’s Evil Twin – Dark Trump! (PART 1)

dark-trump-praise-be-his-name

Behold, mortals! Cower in fear at the presence of I, Dark Trump! You may well have heard of my twin brother, President Donald Trump. He’s been causing quite the stir of late in your petty ‘news outlets’ and ‘political spheres’. Truly, it cannot be denied that the Donald is a controversial and divisive figure, but he pales in comparison to I, Dark Trump!

I am so evil, so impossibly vicious and cruel, that even if I were to spend an entire American political term describing my profound wickedness to you, we would barely begin to scratch the twisted surface. I really am tremendously evil.

What’s that? You want examples of how evil I am? Very well then! Sit comfortably, nay, recoil in horror, as I torture your mind with tales of my foul and wretched ways! Behold my evil CV and marvel at my villainous references!

I  RUTHLESSLY PUNISH THOSE WHO DARE TO DISAGREE WITH ME!

Say what you will of the human condition (pitiful though it may be), but it cannot be disputed that there are a great many differing views amidst our homo-sapien brothers and sisters. This is just the nature of human existence of course. All manner of person, great or small, liberal or conservative, silence-respecter or movie-talker, has their opinion. Some opinions obviously matter more than others and are absolutely correct and I would think that because I’m evil and that’s what an evil person would think.

You know what I would do to someone with a differing viewpoint to me?! Do you want to know?! ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN HANDLE THIS RAPIDLY APPROACHING ONSLAUGHT OF BARBARISM AND CHAOS?!

Here it comes, dont say I didn’t warn you:

I would, like, totally frape the shit out of them or something.

sallyyates-frape

Yeah, that’d show them wouldn’t it? I’m so evil. So so evil. I’m so evil I’d make a really evil thing look comparatively less evil. I’m about as evil as they come, really. Abusing someone’s social media profile in such a tormentous way, solely for the minor infraction of not agreeing with me, surely cements me into the annals of evil history…right?

Sorry, what? What did you just say?! That’s not really all that evil? Did those words actually just come out of your mouth. Oh my God, or rather, oh my Devil. Because the Devil is evil and so am I. I can’t believe you would think that. It’s not like my twin brother, who is comparatively a Saint, has done anything even remotely as foul and harmful as I, Dark Trump!

What’s that? My less evil brother, President Donald Trump has done worse? What? You say he not only placed a gag order on American science agencies because they were publishing materials contradictory to his climate change ‘hoax theory, but he also froze federal grants for the Environmental Protection Agency, therefore eliminating opposition to his controversial environmental policies? It’s not like similar public disallowings of information have ever led to anything bad happening in the past, ever.

But my frape was pretty good, wasn’t it? It got 8 LIKES! Can you imagine how embarrassed she’s gonna be when she sees that? I wish I had a camera there to film it and that isn’t beyond my capabilities because I’m evil.

But what has he done, comparatively? Nothing, let me tell- Sorry, what did you just say? What? He also sacked the head of the Department of Justice when she said his actions might be illegal? Well, I guess that does sound pretty bad. Controlling the flow of information and robbing the people of freedom of speech is sort of a violation of their most core human rights.  It’s nothing short of a dastardly ploy. I’ll give him that.

Okay, well he might have me beat this time. But I’ll win the evil war! Wait ’til you see what I, Dark Trump, have in store next!

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[END OF PART 1]


Dark Trump will be back soon on VerbalDischarge.co.uk with more of this shit.

In the meantime, why not listen to a podcast while you’re here? Go on, have a browse you degenerate.

James Bosson is best known as the loudest member of Verbal Discharge. He spends most of his free time obsessively shouting at the News.

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