TRUE LIFE STORIES: My Dad is Stuck in a Video Game T-Pose!

TRUE LIFE STORIES: My Dad is Stuck in a Video Game T-Pose!

t-pose

Help! I came home from school yesterday evening after a long day of long division. When I opened the front door and the interior of my house rendered in, I found that my father’s animations had not properly loaded and he was stuck in the T pose. He’s never had a history of doing it and, as such, I wasn’t too sure what to do. My first instinct was to exit and enter the house over and over to see if it had fixed him, but he was stuck in the same crucified 3D model position I’d found him in.

Mum didn’t seem to draw attention to it. She acted relatively normal, asking how my day had been and offering me a mug of solid tea. But when she’d speak to my dad, she would walk to the chair he was standing on, look dead on at where his eyeline would be if he was sitting and talking to him. She would speak, pause as if hearing a response and carrying on with her one sided dialogue. But that was always mum, though.

When she called us in the dining room for tea, I headed over, took a seat at the edge of the dinner table and watched my dad slide into the room as if the floor was made of ice or slime. He clipped into the chair for the next twenty minutes while his spaghetti hoops went cold. I sat there dutifully putting the soft rings into my mouth, staring into my father’s unblinking face opposite me. Mum’s one sided conversations continued and she looked at me strangely when I assume dad was supposed to have said something to me. I just responded “Yeah, sure” in these moments and everything carried on as normal in my nightmarish life.

“Your dad’s going to do some garden work” said mum while she loaded the dishwasher. “Bless him, he loves his rockery.”

I watched him stand two feet from his rockery, sliding back and forth around it. Eventually, a wayward blue tit flew too close to his hitbox and he clipped through the world and disappeared into the big grey void below. I just guessed that just sorted the problem and carried on with the rest of my life. But that was always dad, though. Classic dad.

Does an OK David Bowie impression.

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